Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
