ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
