Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
