she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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