My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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