I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
