Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This is classic penis vs brain.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
