Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
