If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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