I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
