i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
