My balls are so social today.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
