Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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