Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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