i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize