This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
