Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
