i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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