Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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