i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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