he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
