sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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