I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize