I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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