So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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