How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
