Barsexuality is the new black.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
