nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
