so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
bring money and cleavage
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize