I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
