it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
