She's JV to your varsity
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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