How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
