why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
