I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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