I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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