need another drink. this is the easiest way
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
