So drunk its hurt
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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