i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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