Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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