I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
