Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
