I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think my moral compass just broke
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
