he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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