And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
