I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
