haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
