hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
