How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
