I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
