she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
