They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
