It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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