just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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