I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
this will be a night to untag.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
