too bad you live with your parents still
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
