so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
we should paint friendship bongs
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