So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
