My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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