I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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