took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
