the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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