I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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