you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Actions speak louder than pants.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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