How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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