I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
