I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im holly from the hills drunk
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He's on the porch naked. Help.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize