I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm both gender and math confused
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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