dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
