He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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