i just wanna soil my oats bro
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
