Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
