cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize