How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My cat gives me a boner
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
