you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
