So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How does it feel to date your dad?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
