Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This baby is an asshole
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
