It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
