I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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