I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize