Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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