Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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