Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
