ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
