it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
birth control should be required to get into college
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
