covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
