We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
