i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
