so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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