Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
