Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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