so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
