Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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