I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I could fuck to npr.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
