I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize