you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
