My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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