Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
