He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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