Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
