The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Come on in and take your pants off
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