my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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