I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
