Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
