my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
cat food counts as protein by the way
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
