nut hugger
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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