I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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