WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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