She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
