Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
