I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
