Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
