He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
