he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
