On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
