Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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