Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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