no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
