his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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