Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
